spontaneous and no plans at all

Before year 2008 ended, I vowed to myself that I'm going to be more spontaneous in the following year. Indeed, I lived up to my word. I resigned from my call center job with no clear plans as to what my next step would be. Until now, I still have not had my clearance in the company I worked for. I said that I will be focusing on my business, only to discover that having this business is not easy as I thought it would be. Looking back, I realized that the assurance of my uplines was what really made me go for this business. I have their full support but it seems that I can't support myself. With all these disappointments, I don't know how to go on anymore. Swallowing pride is first and foremost the most difficult thing for someone who only has PRIDE. Yes, I am so full of myself. Even if I have nothing to brag about, I seem to brag the little things. How do I get rid of pride, especially if that is all left of the person? Fuck.