kiLL

if i stop blogging here..
that means i stopped breathing..

i love her.. so much..

nothing else matters..

prep for that goodbye

i have never been this sure about someone.. i know that i want to be with her.. for the rest of my life..if possible.. i love her that much.. that all the painful things that has been said and done don't matter anymore to me.. i love her..

but apparently she's confused.. hmm.. i don't know if this would still work.. i don't know.. right now, i just have to be prepared for that FINAL goodbye.. i love her.. it's all that matters..

and so it's over

yea i guess it really is.. my friend who read her email that it really is.. it's better to assume that you and i can never be.. you said that yourself.. maybe i'm too scared to let go because of the fear that i might not find someone new.. hah! ako pa! no, my goal is not to find someone new.. my goal is to make myself available.. i seem so preoccupied with the things that's done.. i'm so preoccupied that i forget to notice things that's happening right before my eyes.. i fail to see the beauty of each person i meet! tsk! i'll go my on my own now.. and really free myself from that grip of our past.. let go is such a heavy word.. so instead i'll use the word liberate.. forgetting you is really freeing my self for all the shit that you've caused..

and the pain still lingers

the truth is i still can't get over the fact that you quickly replaced me with someone new. now, it's all fucking hard. everything's a mess. you're probably confused. but all i can say is that i'm turning my back on you. it's over. our time together has ended. maybe we're not meant. for now, i don't wanna dwell on our past and just continue living in the present. i don't wanna remain stuck. again, i'm doing this coz i'm letting you be. and i'm letting things unfold. whatever happens, happens.

D E T O X I F Y

it's the only way to take away all the negativities in me! loving someone is always painful. the only way to stop feeling the pain is to get you out of my system. friends warned me that this is a painful. from time to time i might have the tendency to look back. but then i have to realize that i have come to the point of no return.

complexities of love

so nega..
i can imagine you happy with someone else, not even bothering to think about me.. i'm the one person who almost died just holding on to the love we once had. maybe i'm the only one who could not get over the past. you're there but not exactly there. you love me but not totally. you now share your love with somebody else. and where does that put me? in the shelf of your past. with dust and cobwebs suffocating me.

on the brighter side..
you taught me what is love all about. it's letting the other person be. loving without hesitation. loving without asking for anything in return. it's letting the other find his/her own happiness. i should now be satisfied just loving you from afar. than having you there but not exactly there. i must remind myself that this is a noble thing to do.

i can't wait for the day when i'll be happy again. with another person? in this life? probably. but can we really tell? i would rather die. i think i've done what i have come to do.