Friday, April 4, 2008

dear Lord

it's me..Your daughter. i have been through a lot this third term. still, i manage to survive. it's because You were always there for me even though i only approach you when things mess up. i'm sorry for that. i knew how You felt when she let me feel what it feels like to be only a coping mechanism. i really want You to be a part of my life. sometimes i tend to really forget, especially when i'm too preoccupied with a lot of things. Lord God, Jesus.. more challenges still await me. i hope You will be there for me every step of the way. please Lord don't leave me because i want you to take over my life. some things are beyond my control. Your will be done. i'm really worried in my career. =( please. don't leave me. i'm about to break. kulang na lang magcollapse na ako..

mind and heart

gusto ko nalang matapos na dahil wala namang kinahihinatnan to. i mean, kung may mangyayari, dapat nangyari na. damang dama ko yung sinabi mo. sometimes i wonder, "where is that person who is supposed to make me feel like how they say in the love songs?" i mean, something pops into my head, and i try my best not to think about it, and usually i succeed and just forget, but the 12 munites (thay say) of depression really gets to me. after that i get on with my day. it happens everyday, in odd times pa. while in the classroom then you become distracted, and for that 12 minutes, you hear nothing but your thoughts. that's how it is. when will it end? maybe now. but then again, maybe never.

usually you say you're sick of it, and you are ready to let go, and you mean it, with all your heart, you really do. saying that will make you feel better most of the time, but when the time comes and you realize it, you tell yourself you don't really have a choice or even a say in the mater because it's not really you who is choosing how you are supposed to feel, it's your heart.

ewww! cheeseball. haha. bakit ba pag ganito, ang dami kong nasasabi? haha. when i had a problem in my famili (yung sa dad ko) i had nothing to say but "i'm so dazed." haha. fuck.


sometimes i wish i just had a headache instead of this to think about.

-sentiments of a friend..we pretty much go through the same thing..

Thursday, April 3, 2008

love that always seems fucked up

parang ang hirap di ba..may taong nasa isip mo lang pero ikaw wala ka naman sa isip niya

i mean..para madali..gusto mo nlang sya alisin sa isip mo.. pag sinubukan mo..hindi pala ganon kadali..

gusto mo mgng masaya and act like everthing's ok.. later on, may something mskt sa dibdib.. gusto mo magheal pero lalo lang maskt..ewn kong it's part of the process.. pero alam mo yn.. it's hard to feel can' t go back to the past..and at the same time you can't move on to the future.. you do things to say that "you're moving on" only to realize that a part of you is still left to that past. memories, pain and suffering still haunt you.. start to wonder is there really someone out there.. or "the one" already left..and never coming back.. tpos you'll decide nlng to do what is right.. you keep doing it.. tpos doing what's right is not always happy.. where will you end up with? are you going to end up alone? life sucks you know.. to put it more accurately, love sucks.. is it just the expectation that's bringing you pain? or things always seem fuck up that's bringing pain?