how shall i begin this? i've been thinking about her ever since god knows when. no amount of distraction can make me leave any thoughts of her off my mind. maybe it's the holiday hangover. we did not greet each other as expected. our pride has created a high wall between us and i can't even imagine how we'll sort of meet each other. i got hurt real bad and i feel like is shouldn't be the one to reach out to her. why the fuck will i do that? my pride just would not let me. well, i guess i have to fix my state of mind first before i ever face her again. it has been months since we last saw each other. but what the hell. we're not part of each other's life. i still have no idea where i am in her life. apparently nowhere. just a memory and that's fine. nothing wrong with that because she also is just a part of my memory. someone in the past that keeps bugging me even if we are physically away from each other for a very long time now. deep in my heart, i long to fix things with you. not really get back to you, just patch things up. give up the hurt, anger and all the negativities boiling inside of me. despite the sloshing of fucked up emotions inside of me, i'm still thankful that regret isn't one of them. i've been slapped hard in the face with regrets so i know how bad it is. let me try and sort this fucking emotions that are really confusing me.
ANGER
BITTERNESS
PAIN
WHAT IFS
let me do that in the next entry. bye for now.
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