Tuesday, July 21, 2009

keep on hoping but can't get moving

i see myself now as a failure. i don't know what to feel towards the recent happenings. it's just too much for me to handle. i don't know where God is directing me. i don't know if i'm mad at HIM or what. i just don't know anymore. i'd like to believe that there is a job for me. i just hope that i still have the strength to get going.

Lord, i know i'm not worthy to ask anything from You. please help me get a job. i've been searching for months now and no job seems to want me. i know i've done crazy stuff before and maybe i deserve this punishment. but please i'm begging You to help me get a job before August. i kept on finding a job but it didn't work. i pray that the job would find me. it sounds impossible yeah. but i don't think i still have the strength to keep looking. i pray that i'll get a job that is 'perfect' for me. perfect in a sense that it will match my skills, will lead me to achieve my long term goals, good salary, good working environment, convenient and safe office, nice bosses, nice company, and all that would explain why i didn't get the jobs that i applied for.

i sound demanding but they say that you have to pray specifically. i also pray for the strength to go on.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

i feel like i'm dying

just when i thought that i was accepting the past, i suddenly felt my heart ache as i remember the pain you've caused. because of you, i found it hard to open up due to my fear of getting insulted again. ouch.