insensitive bitch

you can't make up your mind. you only go to me when you break up with her. selfish insensitive bitch. i don't need you. to put an end, i have to give up any idea that love still exists between us.

unstable

only to realize that you are not worth it. that you are a bitch. i don't deserve you.

wala ka na sa mundo ko

muli, magkakahiwalay na naman tayo ng landas. walang pag-uusap at hindi magkikibuan. napatunayan ko sa sarili ko na kaya ko mamuhay ng wala ka. malungkot nga lang. sa pagkakataong ito, hindi na parehong lungkot ang mararamdaman ko. hindi na ako manghihinayang dahil hindi ko naman kawalan. ano ba ang nawala sa akin? napasaakin ka nga ba talaga? hindi naman. pinaasa mo lang ako at pinaasa ko lang din sarili ko. sa mga oras na inaksaya ko sayo, nalaman ko na wala ka na sa mundong ginagalawan ko. nilibing na kita sa mga alaala ko. ang kinakatakot ko lang ay baka magparamdam ka muli. hindi pa ngayon ang tamang panahon. kung magiging ok ulit tayo. wala akong panahon sa maramot na katulad mo.

may katapusan din

binigay ko na lahat. wala ng natira sa akin. tama nga sila. napapagod din pala magmahal ang puso. sana matapos na.

hanggang biyernes na lang

tatapusin ko na ang paghihirap ko sa marso 21. huling araw na iyon ng pagiging malungkot ko. bukas, sobrang magpepenetensiya ako.. hindi na ako makapapayag pang guluhin niya pa ulit ang buhay ko.. ang isip ko.. ayoko na.. magdadasal ako ng matindi.. magiisip ng matindi.. para lang matapos na ang paghihirap ko.. sobrang sakit ng ginawa mo.. ayokong makita ka.. ayokong makarinig sayo.. ayokong isipin pa kita.. puro pahirap lang ang dala mo.

stop believing

from this day on, i WILL STOP BELIEVING that you and i can ever be. you will never be able to fight for me. no, you cannot. i will distance myself from you as far as i can.
hindi pa rin ako. hindi rin ikaw. hindi tayo para sa isa't isa.

yes! completely gone

yes! you're gone.. you stopped being nice to me.. i hope it will continue.. no more references to our past.. no more strings attached to that past we once had.. it's time to start anew..

so much hate? is it worth it?

i just read a blog about the hate that brian feels for DJ.. it's filled with so much hate.. so many cuss words were said.. nonstop bashing.. he may have his reasons.. but then to carry it all through out your life isn't worth it.. i have been hurt so many times before.. even by my own family.. except for my dad..
tsk.. but if you really love the person.. if they mean so much to you..you won't be harboring ill feelings..

*i am tempted to go soft on you again.. but as what i've said.. you've done enough damage.. i can't let you ruin me again..

God's answer..

Paulo Coelho: When I'm eating, that's all I think about. If I'm on the march, I just concentrate on marching. If I have to fight, it will be just as good a day to die as any other. Because I don't live in either my past or my future. I'm interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you'll be a happy man.

so, what now?

how do i pick up the pieces of this broken heart of mine? everything's so hard for me..
positive:
be strong.. there are so much that you have to achieve.. don't let the past affect you.. as it will bring you down.. and may stop you from moving forward..

God..please help me

i won't ask any questions why you're doing this.. but it's all too much for me to bear.. please.. help me.. please.. help me graduate.. i'm doing everything to graduate.

masakit at mahirap

ang sakit kasi.. na wala kang karamay.. wala na nga siya.. wala na rin mga kaibigan ko? tsk. putangina!

kunin mo na lahat

hindi ka pa ba kuntento? kinuha mo na lahat.. kinuha mo na siya.. maiintindihan ko kung sya lang mawawala.. baka may iba pa? ewan ko sayo. kinuha mo na rin mga kaibigan ko.. kinuha mo na lahat.. pati oras ko.. ano pa ba gusto mo? bkt di kaya kunin mo na lang din ako?

be immortal

another inspiring msg from steph..
"Art and creation as opposed to slowly killing yourself." Sabi ni Brandon Boyd. So, instead of slowli killing yourself with sadness, "incubate,"--as in the band incubus. Haha. Channel your feelings into something that will make you immortal. Make something nice and disturbing, like a painting of a heart that's breaking, or something that resembles it. Write something raw, an honest presentation of your encounter with the dementor. Write so that it will all come out, and when nothing is left, sabi ni Imogen Heap, "Theres beauty in the breakdown."
Lilipas din yan

sorrow then joy

Today marks a profound and bittersweet milestone for all of us, as we bear witness to both an end and a beginning. And while we must continue on, we must also be grateful to have been blessed with someone who has so ably guided us to where we are today. When there has been so much love and happiness for someone, it is natural to be reluctant to close such a wonderful chapter in our lives, for moving forward is rarely accomplished without considerable grief and sadness. And while our sorrow may be profound, the clouds will clear, and the sun will shine on us again. And in that warm, bright light we will find ourselves facing a glorious future. A future of exciting challenges and infinite possibilities, in which the horizon will stretch out before us, trimmed in the heavenly glow of the sunrise of our tomorrow.

from YM conversation with steph..
oo nga, selfish bitch. haha
pero i'm not supposed to say this
pero baka may attachment issues din sha sayo
ayaw oa nya mag let go ka, minsan kasi ganun eh, kahit may gusto na sha na iba
kaw nalang mag empathize
mas nakakaintindi ka naman eh
mas mature ka, so, ikaw nalang magparaya
handle it like a soldier. haha
cool under pressure
hayaan mo sha

mazda6 launching

elegance. it's the overall feel during the launching of the new Mazda6 at Blue leaf in Fort Bonifacio. adding up to the classy atmosphere are the guests who were requested to come in black. executives and mazda people came to celebrate the new Mazda6 that promises that zoom-zoom feeling. to those people used to taking the backseat and let the driver be in control would probably fire their driver. because this is really a car that makes you want to drive it all the time. Mazda has provided for them a driver friendly car. everything for the comfort of the driver is provided. everything that you need and want in a car is in the new Mazda6.

right time

there is a right time for everything. we care for each other but it's still not enough for us to be together. you are with someone. you can't fight for me. maybe we are not meant to be. i won't force things. i've decided to just let things be. let things flow. maybe, plans fail because it's really not meant to be. of course, i would like us to be friends. but it's not possible as of the moment. the cut is so deep that there my brain seems to shut off the idea that we can still be together. the pain was all too much for me to bear. i still feel a bit stupid for saying my real feelings to you. only to feel ridiculed because i still wasn't enough for you. it's over. and i have given up any idea that we can still be together.

pathetic

i can't help but feel sorry for myself.. after a long time of pain, you weren't worth it after all. but still.. i'm glad that it's over.. i don't feel sorry now that i've totally lost you.. as what i've said, you are not worth it.. you chose to be with her.. so okay.. i'm letting you be..

now that you're gone..

I WISH YOU'LL NEVER COME BACK!
i don't view this negatively. this would be a good way for me to really move on. i don't need someone like you in my life. i don't someone who sees me only as an option. someone who knows my worth but at the same time makes me feel worthless. isn't that ironic? tsk. i don't need you in my life. ok. i don't need you. it's better now that we're not talking again. it's better now that i've totally lost you.

purpose?

maybe i do have purpose in life. whatever that may be, it could be something big. no i'm not longing to have a mark in the history books. i'd be more contented with leaving a permanent mark in people's hearts..

maybe i'm becoming too emotional again.. i must not forget that this is all part of life.. everything's just a phase that we have to go through.. it will end soon no matter how difficult it is.. as for "us".. it's over.. totally over.. no hope for us.. i thought you're the ONE.. i guess the ONE is just an idea.. yes maybe destiny would bring us back together again.. hopefully when all is well.. all wounds are healed.. you have your life right now.. i have mine..

someone save me

i cried out the same thing few months ago.. i still end up saving myself.. Lord, you know what.. it's hard to be always on my own.. it's really hard.. thanks..i'm still breathing..

i need to..

distance myself.. go away from you as much as possible..
YOU DO NO GOOD TO ME
YOU ARE NOT WORTH IT
I HATE YOU
you're just someone i once knew.

feeling worthless

there's nothing more depressing than feeling really worthless.. i'm not romantically speaking.. it's actually worse than that.. it's really an awful feeling.. when you're being judged.. and you know that they have the right to judge you.. and what hurts is you know you did your best but still, it wasn't good enough..and then you start to question your worth..hayy.. what have i done to deserve this Lord? am i really that bad? sometimes i would think that i should just die.. but no.. i wanna die happy.. i want my last memories on earth to be happy.. tsk.. i'm not good enough.. now i know how a suicidal's mind works.. and this pain that i feel because of her seems endless! why? i really tried not to care.. why? why Lord? this is torture..

since you're God and i have to do the work.. i WILL NOT turn back now.. j__ and i are really over.. there's zero possibility that we can still be together.. i just have to be at peace with that fact..

now, on being articulate in English, hmmmm.. that stuff can be learned with intense study..

Lord, have mercy on me.. i did something awful a while ago.. tsk.. sorry..

hayy..shit happens in life..

tangina salamat ah!

masakit kasi hindi ka nagpaparamdam.
but it's better this way.
i need to get you out of my system.
wag ka nang bumalik pa.
puro sakit na lang nagawa mo.
tama na.
hindi ka pa nakuntento.

i surrender

it's not possible.. clearly.. you can't fight for me..

YOU ARE NOT WORTH IT.

three days to live

IF YOU DO ONLY HAVE 3 DAYS TO LIVE HERE ON EARTH,
WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH THOSE REMAINING DAYS?

-i copied this from my friend's blog..

DAY ONE
-spend it with my friends.. hs friends classmates and barkada, some blockmates, phm people, plaridel people
-just be happy with chilling out with them
-final drinking spree

DAY TWO
-spend time with family..bora!

DAY THREE
-spend time with her.. forget everything painful that happened..
-kiss her and hug her for the very last time..say my goodbye..
-really have a DECENT goodbye

BAD idea!

i knew it.. it wasn't a good idea after all.. how can you call it love when there isn't sacrifice involved? how can you say that you love a person when you don't fight for that person? everything's just bullshit.. yeah i think i have successfully drained myself.. there's nothing left to me.. nothing.. i am nothing.. i mean nothing to you.. i am nothing.. when will this suffering end? i'm done.. i can't stand it.. i just wanna end it all..

sorry hindi ko na nakayanan..

awwwwwwwwwww

aw

aww

awww

awwww

awwwww

awwwwww

awwwwwww

awwwwwwww

awwwwwwwww

awwwwwwwwww

not aww, sweet..

as in aww, masakit..tsk..those little things..

currently on the process of draining..