where is the passion when you need it the most?

where is the passion when you need it the most?
as the song goes, passion is sometimes missing just when you need it to get going. we once claim to be passionate over someone or something. but then reality slaps us in our faces. flames of passion can get extinguished. just when you need it the most. exactly why it gets extinguished? it could be that we were once hurt. the pride for the product of that passion may have been badly criticized or it went on unappreciated. while many others say that i still have much to improve (one way of saying that i sucked), there's only one person who praised my writing. steph, it's you. you told me that you get inspired when you read my multiply blog (even my past blog, secret blog chuva). i know you write better than me that why it's worth a lot when you told me that. i've somehow lost my passion to write. i guess it's the fear that i may be judged again for the wrong grammar, wrong use of words, wrong use of tenses.. fuck that.. yes, it's true they said it for my own sake. but then i became only more conscious. it's like having a panic attack when i have to face the computer and produce something. it's almost the same as having a nervous breakdown when i stare at a blank word document. my mind refuse to bleed on that empty screen before me. i told myself that i will try my best to re-ignite that passion once again. i tried reading books and even finding articles that would help me feel that passion once again. all these were not enough to rediscover that passion. that passion for writing, which comes from the core of my heart. i remember how i quickly had to write down what i had in mind, in fear that it will soon pass my mind. where is it now? where? i don't know. i want the passion back. the passion to express myself without the fear that anyone would point out my mistakes. i just hate it when someone lets me feel that i am not good enough. it's like my mind shuts down because of the shit that's pointed out in my work. Help me God.

i officially declare myself as an artist.
"Artists live in that one narcotic bliss." -Art School Confidential