bouts of depression

am i lazy or is it depression that's taking over me? can you blame me for not wanting to face another day? but then again, i'm always given another day that's supposed to make things better. instead of making things happen, paralysis takes over my body that i just can't move. i don't have the will to go on anymore. i seem okay but really i'm dying. is this numbness? i don't have any idea.