release

is it just a state of mind? but i feel lonely frequently. i just feel that i got no connection with anyone. i have to admit it's partly my fault. i'm still clinging to those people whom i've made special connection with like E and J. i'm happy about my relationship with E. we're friends and all that even if we've had a crazy past behind us. with J, i'm not saying it's hopeless but i can still feel the pain in my heart. i loved her so much. i haven't seen the bigger picture yet. this pain is just part of the bigger and better picture. maybe we can talk about everything. maybe. or should we just shrug off the everything that happened and move on? i was hoping that maybe we can be friends if possible. well, i'm throwing all my cards and surrender this to the Lord. it's up to You Lord. i just don't know anymore. as much as i want to get rid of the excess baggage, i just don't know how. please, release me from this pain.