the need to pluck it out

what is it in you or in our past that makes it hard for me to let go? is it my attachment to you? my attachment to the good things we had? yes you hold a very special place in my heart. but you tend to conquer my whole heart. God what is this about? i'm having a hard time. i know i'm supposed to just leave it all behind. wait let me just go back to our recent past. oh yeah. you made me feel worthless. you made me feel that you don't need me at all. you made me feel that i'm not good enough. maybe you're just being kind to me out of pity. and the greatest thing is that you can't fight for me. i don't deserve you. i just don't. but then again. i choose to be nice to you. i'm sorry but slowly i would need to pluck you out of my life.

proper mindset:
our past is already past
our past is just the past
refer only to the past to learn something from it
give up the thought that we can still be together
see the signs that you don't love me or need me (you made me feel inferior and worthless)
but it's okay, we all commit mistakes once in a while..

i just have to stop..

God please give me the courage to mercilessly pluck out that something you want out of my life. Thank you.

healing

i can feel that i'm healing. i look back on our past as a learning experience. there were mistakes and wrong decisions but nevertheless it made me a different person, a stronger person. i loved you, that's for sure. i have this youthful thoughts of settling down with you but yeah, right it's a crazy thought. i look back and i feel proud of myself for the courage that i displayed in fighting for something i though twas worth it. yes, you are worth it. but maybe i deserve better. you, too deserve only the best. i pray for peace and happiness in your life. i hope you'll always remember me as someone who values you so much and i very much know your worth. i know that you deserve all the good things in life. i hope we'll be able to forgive each other soon so we can be one another's support system.

hands down to UP!

they never fail to inject Filipino culture in their performances. it always leaves me exhilarated for their display of our rich culture. at the same time, i feel ashamed for not knowing much of our own culture. hands down to UP pep squad! woohoo! it made me ponder on why i never considered entering UP. back when i was young, when our car just pass by UP, i said to myself not to study in UP because of the widespread frat violence in the university. it was only on my last year in college that i get to have a new perspective on UP and its students. UP, the way i see it, molds students to be passionate in learning. i've noticed that students of UP are hungry to learn more and do more, create a wave of change in the society.

UP.. tsk..they make me feel ashamed for not exerting enough effort to reach my full potential.

what the F?

"Failed writer, failed life.. I love the word failure. Failure is human destiny. Failure teaches us that life is but a draft, a long rehearsal for a show that will never play." -Amelie (french film)

you get better as long as you edit every mistake in a particular draft. tss..but c'mon, we always have this tendency to prolong the agony of doing drafts until it's past the deadline.

unsaid

to j..
i still think of you often. you have been a part of me. you gave me reason to live. i am a different person because of you. i was deeply hurt because of all the things that happened between us. we both tried to fix it but it's really out of our hands. i believe that all these are meant to happen. i hope we both do well in our chosen path. i'm sorry but i just can't go on loving you anymore. there is nothing left but memories.

to mom..
i've been busy "growing up" that i forgot all about you. it's you that has been missing in my life. i look forward to the day that we'll meet again. i love you.

paramita album

full of angst resulting from a relationship that had gone bad.
makes you wallow, drown yourself temporarily in that pool of bitterness, which isn't so bad at all. it would make you realize that it's not worth it having a dip on that same pool.
expect a flashflood of memories with the heart-piercing lyrics and mellow mood of the song.

one step at a time

right now, i'm taking life one step at a time. i just got out of college and i'm now in full control of my life. it's up to me to choose which path to take. when i think about it, there's really no path laid for each one of us. there are trails that are left by those who have come ahead. along the way, there are people we meet but as we go on, we'll realize that we are really alone. those people will come and go. we may develop a special attachment to them but really no matter how long they've stayed, they will go.
right now, i'm on my own. it's up to me on how i'm going to get "there." to that place where we will all end up. i have my goals. sort of a mission in life. just like what bo sanchez said, "bite size it!" he gave michael jordan as an example. michael scores 32 points per game. how does he do it? he took it one step at a time. that's 8 points per quarter. oh yeah.