and so it's over

yea i guess it really is.. my friend who read her email that it really is.. it's better to assume that you and i can never be.. you said that yourself.. maybe i'm too scared to let go because of the fear that i might not find someone new.. hah! ako pa! no, my goal is not to find someone new.. my goal is to make myself available.. i seem so preoccupied with the things that's done.. i'm so preoccupied that i forget to notice things that's happening right before my eyes.. i fail to see the beauty of each person i meet! tsk! i'll go my on my own now.. and really free myself from that grip of our past.. let go is such a heavy word.. so instead i'll use the word liberate.. forgetting you is really freeing my self for all the shit that you've caused..

and the pain still lingers

the truth is i still can't get over the fact that you quickly replaced me with someone new. now, it's all fucking hard. everything's a mess. you're probably confused. but all i can say is that i'm turning my back on you. it's over. our time together has ended. maybe we're not meant. for now, i don't wanna dwell on our past and just continue living in the present. i don't wanna remain stuck. again, i'm doing this coz i'm letting you be. and i'm letting things unfold. whatever happens, happens.

D E T O X I F Y

it's the only way to take away all the negativities in me! loving someone is always painful. the only way to stop feeling the pain is to get you out of my system. friends warned me that this is a painful. from time to time i might have the tendency to look back. but then i have to realize that i have come to the point of no return.

complexities of love

so nega..
i can imagine you happy with someone else, not even bothering to think about me.. i'm the one person who almost died just holding on to the love we once had. maybe i'm the only one who could not get over the past. you're there but not exactly there. you love me but not totally. you now share your love with somebody else. and where does that put me? in the shelf of your past. with dust and cobwebs suffocating me.

on the brighter side..
you taught me what is love all about. it's letting the other person be. loving without hesitation. loving without asking for anything in return. it's letting the other find his/her own happiness. i should now be satisfied just loving you from afar. than having you there but not exactly there. i must remind myself that this is a noble thing to do.

i can't wait for the day when i'll be happy again. with another person? in this life? probably. but can we really tell? i would rather die. i think i've done what i have come to do.

selfish

that's so selfish of you to play with our feelings.. it was very selfish that you only thought of your feelings..after that night, i knew that you're gone.. you wanted to be with me.. but you also can't let go of the other.. there's no need for you to choose.. because i already decided to move on.. as what i always say, we shared something special in the past.. but i just can't cling on that memory anymore.. still, thank you.. i know that there's no future for us..

I KNOW THAT YOU CANNOT LOVE ME LIKE BEFORE.. I'M JUST SOMEONE FROM YOUR PAST.. the past does not exist.. yes, i feel empty.. but then i know i'll find something or someone to fill up that lacking space that you left..thank you..

i hope someday we'll heal all our wounds..

true love?

just early this morning i was euphoric because i thought maybe i knew what it's like to truly love someone.. i understood what it's like to love without expecting anything in return.. not to dwell in the past.. and just let things unfold.. i thought i'll be ok.. but then.. there's a stabbing pain when i remember that i'm not the one that she loves.. she tells me that love will always be there.. c'mon.. what's that supposed to mean?

well i guess that's what love is all about.. label it as true.. it still hurts like hell..

now i know and i have to let go

fuck life! it's all clear to me now.. she already told me.. i guess it's enough for our closure.. i just want to be happy.. i just want to love again.. i want to feel that love still exists.. it's over.. it's really over.. it's just our past.. it's never coming back.. i have to say goodbye now.. later.. on saturday..