oh Lord

Lord, i present myself to you. i'm all broken. i have nothing to be proud of these days except the tremendous effort to cling on to the hope that everything will be better and that You know what to give me at the right time. These past few days, i have no motivation whatsoever to live life. yes, i try to enjoy every moment but negativity seems to get a hold of me more often. i don't know exactly how i came to this state. probably because i've been far from you these days. as what i've said i have no motivation even to pray and have a deep conversation with you. a lot of things are distracting me. my past seem to have a comeback. with that letter posted in the blog. honestly, i became weak because she still has a great effect on me. my heart has been broken for so long. and it's making me crazy. how do i go about normally if i'm all broken? the person i love the most has a way to break it all over again just when i was about to pull together the pieces that is left.

maybe it's all about perspective. i should just focus more on the positive aspect of this all. she became a better person now, assuming that she's alone. she told me that she indeed became happy with another person. yes it hurts that she chose to be with that person but on the positive note, it should make me happy that another person had the time of her life for having her. i love you more than anything else in this world. i certainly hope that our paths will cross and maybe we can patch up the things that made us both broken. you are a wonderful person. the world needs someone like you. not having you near is a real torture to my soul. but being aware that someone is happy because of you, makes me forget my selfish tendencies. you may not be beside me now but i'm certain that you light up other people's lives wherever you are.