struggle

the more i struggle to have inner peace, the more powerless i feel. Lord, what do i need to do? to end this chaos within. i don't think it's still bitterness. perhaps, this is still attachment. maybe i'm too scared to let go fully of the past. i'm even more scared to admit that to myself. come to think of it, what would life be when i'm free from all the chains of the past? i'd like to believe that it's better. i feel like i'm using the past as shield to the disappointing present. or, i'm labeling the present as disappointing. Lord, i just know in my heart that i have to let go and allow my faith to You to save me. i will, i will. please.. teach me what i need to learn. teach me something that my soul seems to refuse. i'll give You my full trust. i know that You alone know what is best for me. You know what is best for me. my only task is to trust You. then everything else follows.