do more!

lately, i've been unhappy. some clutter still resides in my heart. some i'm not even aware of. the biggest clutter i have is the past with J. it's like i am paralyzed. i feel like i can't do things anymore. there is an empty hole in my heart. i decided to remove j in my life. but that huge hole never fails to catch my attention. i still stare at that hole, thinking that there used to be something that fills up that hole. i know that j can't be returned to that hole. simply because j no longer fits in that hole. when i tried to placed j back before in that hole, j made i worse by widening the hole. j is a small creature that i have no use in my life. that sounds harsh. my necessity for j has expired. i mean, even if i attempt to have j back, it's just not right.
i continue living my life with an awareness of that hole. i pretend and put up a front that i can do this on my own. regardless of what i think and feel in my heart, i just know that i have to do more and that i can do more. life isn't about being always happy. it's about creating meaning and living by the greatest principle..love.