agitated

i am still unstable. negativity still resides in me. i still feel powerless over the past. it still hurts me. i'm still affected with everything. i mean everything. but i'm fighting the feeling. i'm not going to let myself drown in that misery. no, you're not going to drown me again, just when i'm trying to saving myself. don't pull me down. you insulted my whole being. you fooled me. you made me believe even when there is really nothing. you're one stupid bitch. but i hate to say that you still make me weak. i still can't get over the fact that i was treated unfairly. it's really unfair. i tried to make it up to you but i was never enough. i was never enough for you. don't make me believe all those lies. don't make me believe that you appreciate me. if you do, you never should have let me go. you should realize that i'd be gone. but it doesn't matter to you because i don't matter to you. don't show me any affection because i don't need it. don't even try to poke the weakest part of me. don't you dare fuck with me. you fucked me enough already. so please, do me a favor... pray that i will be able to forgive you. you made me believe and i can't believe i fell for it. i fall for you over and over again. please don't do this to me. every minute you do something even if we're apart, you make me fall over and over again. even when i know that no one is there to catch me anyway. where were you anyway? fucking someone else? you don't even have the decency to keep it private. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY ARE YOU SO INSENSITIVE THAT YOU ONLY THINK ABOUT YOURSELF? please..even when i say get off my back, i know i still want to see the person that i knew. that sweet and caring person. where is that person? why don't you treat me like before? was it because i hurt you that much? was it because you loved her, so you're feelings for me turned ice cold? i'm just tired. fucking tired of you stomping down my heart. you've let me down, over and over again. i wish i knew how to forgive. i wish i knew how to forget. i wish i knew that you won't be there in the end. we've missed a lot in each other's life. we've learned to build a life on our own. somehow a part of me still longs for you. i still long for your touch. i still long for the person that i knew. yes, the person that i knew. when we tried the last time, i realized that we are different persons now. as much as we would like to work it out, it just seems so impossible because of the pain that we both went through. i hope that i can write something more positive than this one. i'm just so agitated ok? you should know, because you've been betrayed. i lost you completely, that i have to accept. you are very different from the j that i know before. i wish i can say that you are better. but hell, you're a lot worse. pain should make you stronger not make you a bitter person.