Peace

I don't want my emotions to take over me, so I'll let it all out here.

I got pissed with this girl in the bus. She clearly has no manners. I ACCIDENTALLY stepped on her foot. When instances like that, I automatically say sorry. I may have mumbled or whispered to myself my "sorry". Then this girl went on to bicker about me not saying sorry. Bitch, if you don't want your foot to be stepped on, don't FUCKING place it on the aisle!

Oh well. Here's your BIG LOUD FUCKING SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello 2011

Do you hate me for not talking to you deeply? I guess I've been so distracted. I haven't really felt your presence. Was I too happy to need you? I apologize for that. I feel so empty inside. Maybe it's waiting for you to come in? I dunno, really. I'll hang on for now. I hope to have a really blessed year. Good health and safety for me and my family are more than enough for me. love you.

heavy heart

Yeah, I have to walk away from those happy days. Lord, my heart is so heavy. I lift up my burdens to you. This is once again something that is beyond my power. You know how I really feel. You know my intentions. Please help me say the right things at the right time. This is not easy. I hope and pray that I can get through this alive. Lord, You are once again testing me. I trust You Lord. Please help me. Please. Ease my burden. I trust that You are doing this for a reason. I trust You. I trust my life to You. Please help me clean my name before I leave the company. Please help me explain myself to my boss. Please help me make myself understood. Please O Lord. I beg You.

Success at MAMA!!

I'm so proud of 2NE1 for their success in today's MAMA! I can't help but be teary eyed because all their hard work paid off. They poured all their efforts and they deserve every award they got. I've never been a fan before so this is all new to me. I feel that as a fan, I was there every step of the way. Now that they have been rewarded, I just can't help but grow even fonder of these girls. If given the chance, I want them to know how much they inspire me to always do my best no matter what.

I also love the YG family love they have shown. Even though I'm just a fan, I feel like I'm part of that family.

lost

Lost and headed nowhere
Void of all feelings
Empty beyond doubt
Passion lacking

Please save me

Obsession kills

I'm beginning to think that my obsession is in KPOP, particularly with 2NE1 is consuming me. I spend my every waking day thinking about them. The big chunk of time during the day is spent in front of the computer, surfing the net and finding something new about KPOP. It's like I lost control and let this urge of obsessing over Koreans take over me. According to Bo Sanchez, obsession is a way to fill emptiness in each of us. I think it's our coping mechanism working when we unintentionally develop an obsession. I also think that obsession is a reflection of the desires of our hearts. Paula Rinehart tells her readers that it is important not to disregard our desires. We should let it lead us because it is where we will discover the reason for living. I guess what really bothers me right now is that I don't have balance in my life right now. I like KPOP too much and 2NE1 way tooooo much. While there is nothing wrong about liking something so much, there still has to be balance. I should go back to the balancing everything in my life so that I'd be able to feel the peace again.

I haven't said this in a long time. Thank you Lord. I will always be thankful for everything.

I like you because..

I was completely blown away by your performance. At first, I was not aware that you had that effect on me. It was unexplainable feeling that came over me. Looking back, I realized that it was your charisma that's overflowing on stage that really got me hooked. I watched 2NE1 TV and somehow I have gotten to know you more. I see myself in you. You are that type of person who puts on a tough facade but deep inside there is an undeniable softness that just goes unexpressed. You inspire me to always do my best in whatever I do. I hope one day I would get to meet you.

Fucking bumps on the road

They say that when you encounter a bump in the road, you should take time to breathe and move on after wards. I recently got into an accident. I don't know how the hell am i supposed to move on with this. It's not as bad. It's just that i have to live with my sisters' constant nagging. O Lord please help me.

Doubts

Lord, please help me when doubts fill my heart and mind. Replace it with Your grace so i'll be able to offer my best to others.

So help me God

I'm having a tough time at work.It was all so overwhelming considering that I have limited training. I thank God for the nice office mates I have and over all I'm really blessed to be surrounded by really nice persons. Thank You Lord!

I STAND BY MY DECLARATION

I have no idea what God has planned for me. Maybe He has it all laid out and I'm just about to reach that point where i would gracefully go through that part of the journey. I can't wait! I'm so excited! If there is one thing to learn in all the hard things that I've been through, it's really to trust God with your life. It seems illogical but that is why it's called a leap of faith. I choose to thank God for helping me get by. I still firmly believe that this is all a preparation for something BIG and really good in my life. Hard times will definitely end so instead i'll be happy and prepared to welcome a good day ahead! God thank You so much. I'm waiting for your tight embrace. =)

MY DECLARATION

YES GOD HAS BETTER PLANS FOR ME. I HAVE WAITED FOR SO LONG. BUT SO WHAT SOMETHING GOOD IS ALWAYS WORTH THE WAIT! I WILL GET A GOOD JOB SOON. I WILL GET A JOB THAT MATCHES MY EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND. I WILL GET A JOB THAT WILL MAKE ME A GOOD PERSON. I WILL GET A JOB THAT I WILL THOROUGHLY ENJOY. I WILL GET A JOB THAT I AM BORN TO DO. I WILL GET A JOB THAT WILL MAKE MY FAMILY PROUD. I WILL GET A JOB WITH A HEALTHY WORKING ENVIRONMENT. I WILL GET A JOB THAT WILL MAKE ALL MY FAILURES IRRELEVANT. I WILL GET A JOB AND I THANK GOD FOR THAT.

Be hopeful, hopeful and He'll find a way!

I’m strong in the Lord. I’m blessed. I’m forgiven. I’m protected. I’m redeemed. I’m equipped. I’m anointed. Healing flows in my body. New doors will open before me. I’ll meet the right people, the right opportunities, at the right time, at the right place. I’ll regain ten times what I lost…
In Jesus name!

I CAN'T LET MYSELF BE SUCKED IN THIS DOWNWARD SPIRAL. I GET MY STRENGTH FROM JESUS TO RISE ABOVE MY SITUATION. I WILL FOREVER BE THANKFUL TO THE LORD WHO HAS BEEN WITH ME IN THIS TIME OF TRIAL. I KNOW IT WILL END SOON. I KNOW I AM BEING PREPARED FOR SOMETHING BIG IN MY LIFE. I AM NOT BORN TO BE A LOSER. I AM BLESSED AND IT IS MY DUTY TO PAY IT FORWARD.

Preparing for take off

As what I've said in my previous entry, I've been through a lot of frustrations this year. As i refuse to focus on my failures, i did my best to shift my attention from the negative to positive. I can feel the fire in my heart and i still continue to pray to God that this would be the start of something good.

I need a light bulb

I believe that in every difficult situation, there is a tricky way to get out of it. I'm facing a major setback right now. I tried the conventional way out but it doesn't seem to work for me. I just have to find that hidden passage way out so that i can see the light. I will continue praying that God would soon lead me to that path where i can redeem myself and do what i was born to do.I will soon get to that light bulb moment.

Where is the love?

I know in my heart that God loves me. After all that is happening to me, how can i continue believing that God really does loves me? Sometimes i just want to fade away.

Random Thoughts for today

Another big blow
The Philippines is again bracing itself for another typhoon, only a week after the devastating typhoon Ondoy. A lot of people are still trying to recover from the unexpected onslaught of Ondoy yet here's Pepeng slowly showing off its extreme force. People have learned their lessons now. Filipinos are now prepared by expecting the worst. Lots of people have hoarded basic necessities such as food, water, flashlight, batteries, and many more. Owners of supermarkets cannot keep up with the demand of easy to cook food such as canned goods, noodles, and water.

At first you'd think that a lot of people have now become paranoid. But after Ondoy, no one could be complacent enough. Ondoy left everyone dumbfounded and overwhelmed by nature's wrath. Who knew that even those people who belong to the upper bracket of the society would be affected by the flood brought by Ondoy?

Preparing Myself
I've been unproductive for the majority of 2009. I've encountered more failures than successes. I became so down at one point but I always know how to stand up again and keep on fighting no matter what. This drought in my life taught me not to waste my time again and even made me realize the importance of giving it your best shot always so as not to have regrets in the end.

Birthday prayer

Dear Lord, i'm sorry i didn't get the chance to go to Quiapo today. I'm really sorry. I will instead say my prayers here. Thank you very much for the people who greeted me. I really appreciate that they took time to greet me in facebook and thru text. Thank you so much for all the blessings that i have received in my 20th year. Now that i'm 21, i think that a lot of difficulties made me a stronger and better person. This is an opportunity for me to look inside of me and improve on myself. Thank you so much. I hope and pray that you continue to shower blessing to me and my family. I love you.

how to be happy?

because that is all i want to be..

God provides

I see a single ray of light shining down my path. Hopefully it would spread lightness over my life and see the light of day. It has been a while since I enjoyed bathing under that light of God. Whatever I'm going through, I am not going to give up.