reflections

i learned never to waste time and resources. if i have something, never take it for granted. don't look for what is not there and will never be there. don't be envious of other people. they have a different life from yours. they may seem happy but you don't know the real story. appreciate whatever you have. never ever give up. it doesn't help to be negative. instead of worrying too much, think about good and positive things in your life. i repeat it doesn't help to be pessimistic. whatever the outcome of something, be thankful for it. there are things that are not for you to decide. God is in control so just trust Him. again mark it on your head, pessimism won't do you any good. always remember to be thankful if not you'll end up regretful.

emotional baggage

Whether I put a name on it or not, I always have this emotional baggage that I carry everywhere I go. As much as I would like to get rid of it, I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to do that. They say forgive everyone who offended you, who have sinned against you, who put you through a lot of crap. To say 'i forgive you' is easy, but to really mean it is an entirely different story. They say, it starts with the Lord. So ok, where do I find you Lord? Because you seem to be absent in my life for a long time. Am I too negative or nothing is really happening?

darkness

i am currently living in utter darkness. i can't see the path where i'm supposed to head. from where i'm standing, i can see several roads but i don't know how i'm going to be in any of that road. i feel like there isn't something or someone that would save me. in times like this, i'd like to believe that God is watching over me. i'd like to believe that God will help me. i'd like to believe that with Him all things are possible. i'd like to believe that He wants my complete trust before i get on. i'm feeling weak, frustrated, angry, and i'm losing hope. what should i do? should i stop and wait for something to happen? should i go on and search for something? what if i don't find something like what happened before? i really don't know anymore. as much as i would want to trust God with everything, i don't know if i should act or stop. so what's next for me? what's in it for me?

where you at?

maybe where i'd like to isn't where i'm supposed to be? but whatever You plan for me, i hope it's good.

let me have a life

i still don't have a job therefore i don't have a life. why Lord? i'm losing my sanity! i'm just so fuckin worthless. i'm not doing anything worthwhile. i can't find my direction, if there is a direction. please illuminate that direction. where am i headed? where am i going? i have no idea. i have no idea. i thought i had an idea. i thought it was easy. but it wasn't. where am i headed? where is this nothingness leading me? where do i go from here? where? why are you letting me suffer this way? kulang pa ba? i'm losing it. please. i don't know anymore. you've taken everything away.